Look for actions behind the word compassionate
Compassion can be easier to recognize in a small action than a description. Did the clinician let you explain why you came? Did they acknowledge a worry before returning to the images? Were you able to say that a recommendation did not fit your circumstances? AHRQ’s clear-communication guidance emphasizes respect, active listening, and plain language. These are useful things to notice at a consultation. You do not need a particular conversational style; you need a conversation in which your concerns can be understood.
Sources: AHRQ: Communicate Clearly, Tool 4
Name the concern you have been carrying
It can be difficult to begin with a fear: losing independence, missing work, needing help at home, or having had an upsetting prior experience. You might say, 'Before we discuss the options, I need you to know what worries me most.' Give one concrete example of how the problem affects your day. That makes it easier for the physician to address the concern alongside the examination. A clinical discussion can be direct and honest while still making room for how the situation feels.
Ask questions without having to apologize for them
You are allowed to need another explanation. AHRQ recommends creating an environment where questions are expected rather than treating them as an interruption. If you lose the thread, ask to slow down or start with the main decision. Try, 'What is the one thing I should understand before deciding?' or, 'Could you explain why this option fits me?' You can also ask for written information to review later. Leaving with unanswered questions is a reason to ask how to continue the discussion.
Sources: AHRQ: Encourage Questions, Tool 14
Notice how uncertainty and disagreement are handled
A physician may be unable to promise the result you hope for or may recommend a different approach from the one you expected. Respectful care still explains the reasoning, acknowledges uncertainty, and explores alternatives where they exist. Feeling supported does not require agreement with every request. Ask what evidence or change in symptoms would lead the clinician to reconsider. You can assess whether your priorities were taken seriously even when the answer is not the answer you wanted.
Make the conversation accessible to you
Tell the office before the visit if you need language support, more accessible written information, or help hearing or seeing. Ask whether a trusted person can join to take notes or help remember the discussion. If a painful examination or a prior experience makes you anxious, mention it before the examination begins and ask the clinician to explain what they are doing. These requests can make the visit easier to participate in. They are practical needs, not evidence that you are a difficult patient.
Bring your priorities to our physicians
At Commons Clinic, we want your questions and concerns to be part of the care conversation. Amandeep Bhalla and Sanjay Khurana are among our physicians focused on spine care; their profiles below explain their backgrounds and areas of practice. Before an appointment, identify what would help you feel able to decide: a clearer explanation, time to compare choices, or a discussion of a particular fear. Tell the clinician that at the start, and ask how to continue the conversation if something remains unresolved.
Notice whether your concern changes the conversation
AMA patient-rights guidance includes dignity, respect, and answers to questions. You can explore those expectations during a consultation by naming what is hardest for you: fear of an operation, an earlier experience, or uncertainty about the diagnosis. Ask our physician to explain how that concern affects the next step. Feeling heard can include an honest answer that an option may not suit you. What matters is whether you understand the reasoning and have room to ask again, including when your priorities differ from the initial recommendation.
Sources: Patient Rights — AMA Code of Medical Ethics, Opinion 1.1.3
Look for attention you can describe
The AMA’s 2025 communication article emphasizes attentive listening and empathy. Try to identify the behavior that helps you participate: time to finish your history, a plain explanation of an unfamiliar term, or a check that the answer addressed your question. If you are anxious, tell us what makes the discussion easier for you. You might prefer to hear the main recommendation first and then review the details. Bring a trusted person if helpful, while keeping your own questions and preferences at the center of the visit.
Make the most of your visit
Questions to bring to your consultation
Choose the questions that matter most to you. Bring them along, and ask us to explain anything that is unclear.
- Can I explain my main worry before we compare treatments?
- How does this recommendation fit the activities that matter to me?
- Could you explain that term in ordinary language?
- What are you certain about, and what remains uncertain?
- Is there another reasonable way to approach this?
- May I bring someone to help me listen and take notes?
- How can I continue the discussion if I have questions afterward?
- Can we review the plan once more before I leave?
- Could you explain how my biggest concern affects your recommendation?
- May we pause and revisit the part of the explanation I still find confusing?
- Can we agree on the decision I need to understand before today’s visit ends?
Sources & further reading
- AHRQ: Communicate Clearly, Tool 4
- AHRQ: Encourage Questions, Tool 14
- Patient Rights — AMA Code of Medical Ethics, Opinion 1.1.3American Medical Association
- 6 simple ways to master patient communicationAmerican Medical Association · Published January 29, 2025
We use these medical sources to help explain your options and prepare you for a conversation with our team. Our guides feature our own clinicians; patient reviews describe individual experiences.
